A Kayak and Chicken Soup.

Today is one of those good "sick days."  I woke up fighting a swollen throat and limp body and decided to officially declare this day "off."  I'm off from worrying about being productive or writing with purpose or even knowing what I will be doing when the sun goes down.  To be honest, I'm relishing the quiet rest of body and mind.

I've found myself devouring a book my friend sent me in the mail on Friday called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.  Reading is not my usual activity of choice when I feel sick and yet somehow, today, it's warming me inside like chicken soup.

I've mentioned Donald Miller before in this blog and my very mixed feelings about him.  And yet I must admit, I find few authors in the world who make me laugh out loud while reading his stuff, with no one in the room to hear me.  His books ramble for sure (something he and I have in common).  He writes as he thinks and doesn't edit much of his pride or his weaknesses or failures. If nothing else, the man is extremely real-- something I hope to become.

In one of my favorite scenes, Donald is entertaining two movie executives, interested in making a film based on his life.  When the arrive at his house in Portland, the three of them find themselves standing outside his house in a snow storm.  Just when you think he is going to say they asked to get started on the script, the executives ask: "Do you have a sled?"  (For some reason, this struck me as so funny.)  Ashamed that he is not coming off more outdoorsy, Donald shrugs his shoulders and says he does not.  Without skipping a beat, he adds "I have kayaks."  Without filling in the blanks, the very next scene, the movie execs and Donald are sliding down the icy streets of Portland, holding on for dear life!

I love this.  I love that grown men can be silly and do stupid things.  I love that the movie execs asked about the sleds in the first place.  I love that he didn't regret the experience (even though they crashed it!)
It's quite refreshing.

On a slightly deeper note, I find myself nearing the end of the book (after only starting it this morning).  It's always hard to summarize what I'm learning from Miller's books because he is so incredibly sporadic. But I guess if I had a gun to my head and asked to summarize, I would say:

Your life is your story and you are both the protagonist and the writer of your story.  Make it interesting.

In one section, he speaks of expectation and how movies raise our expectation for love and life in a way that can't be attained.  This tension, he believes, is the source of many of our problems.

"When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.  And when you stop expecting material possessions to complete you, you'd be surprised at how much pleasure you get in material possessions." - p206

Some good thoughts, Donald.  Maybe you are not so bad after all.



    

Busy!

If there is one thing I've learned during the past few years about writing, it is that it comes in seasons.  The last two weeks have been like a downpour of ideas, opportunities and tasks.  I'm quite excited about it!  I'm working on the Francis Chan article and queried a popular journal to ask if they are interested.  Guess what?  I got a 'maybe'!  While this might not seem all too promising, just the fact that I got feedback was miraculous.  I've been querying editors for years now and the most I've gotten is a form letter rejection--usually at least a year after the submission.  Can you think of anything more depressing?  Needless to say, a 'maybe' was well-taken.  Today I'm working a new article query for another idea (top secret :) and wrapping up some other loose ends.  It's kind of a 'pick up the pieces' day... And considering the fact that it's raining outside in the middle August, I think that suits me just fine.

Wall!

I am sitting at Panera, attempting to finalize my query for the Francis Chan article that I'm writing and suddenly, it is like I haven't a word to say about anything!  How does that happen?  I think it's time for some lunch.

A Step in the Right Direction.

Yesterday was a crazy, weird, emotional day.  However, I made great strides in my writing goals, so I count it as a win!

Some of you may know Francis Chan, the former pastor of Cornerstone Church...  He has had a great impact on my life in various capacities.  I first heard him speak at my college, then at Hume Lake and then at his own church.  He's really something.

Yesterday I got the amazing opportunity to interview him about his current ministry.  I will be writing an article about my findings and submitting it for publication in Leadership Magazines!  It was INCREDIBLY generous of him to give me the time...  I don't expect to get that lucky again!

Still, I cannot express how out of my comfort zone this was!  I get very nervous on the phone!  But it was such a good experience for me to step out and talk with a man who is doing innovative things to spread the gospel.  ( I won't say too much, since I will be writing about it!  I will keep you updated!)

Anyway, I feel as though I'm taking a step in a new direction and I CAN'T WAIT to write the article!

:)

Just the Right Angle.

Most recently, I have been learning about finding an angle for an article.  It's funny because in all the TV shows I've watched about reporters, I've probably heard them say "I gotta find the right angle for this story" a million times or more.  And yet, in my writing, it never occurred to me that I needed one.  I've always written what I know and what I've felt like writing. In some ways, this has fueled my writing.  I don't think I'd do well in a writing job where I was constantly assigned something to write which I had little to no interest in.  And yet, there is something about learning to craft your writing in a certain direction to meet a specific audience.  While an 'angle' is not as emphasized in novel writing as it is in article writing-- I think that's what I've been missing!  What a revelation!  Now I can just figure out how to find an angle...then I'll be on my way.  Suggestions are always welcome. :)

"Write What You Know"

The cliche "Write what you know" is rearing its ugly head in my life this week.  I recently consulted a Christian writer whom I have known for years, asking for wisdom and advice on 'breaking in' to the writing world.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure got the answer I was looking for. It's tough out there and unless you already are someone, it's unlikely people will want to hear what you have to say.  One suggestion he gave me was to begin writing articles and submitting them for publication in journals.  Though I cannot say I was thrilled by this prospect, I must admit, I think it's a good idea.  And yet once again, I find myself swimming through an unknown corner of a market I know so little about.  Writing articles is quite different than writing books, I'm coming to find.  Not only so, but in a time when I'm barely hanging on to my 'writing voice' I'm now trying to change it to match the more serious and (sometimes) impersonal tone of a magazine or journal.  I feel like I just sucked in helium. I think my only hope in this magazine world is to write about my own life experiences (at least) and write about subjects that I'm at least familiar with (at most). Anyway, I look forward to the day when I can put a link on my blog to an online journal with my name in it! ;)

Momentum

Well hello there.  I'm afraid I've been a bit out of sync with my blogs this past week and half.  I blame it on momentum.

Writing is all about keeping in step with your own thoughts and getting them down when they come.  If you don't, I promise they will slip away like last night's dream.  And that has been my pattern lately. I get an idea and then get distracted by life and details and bills and sickness.  And then I'm left with nothing. 

Writing is like working out.  Sometimes you go to the gym and have an awesome work out.  Others, you are limping on the treadmill, half-dead.  Today, my foot is stuck in that conveyor belt of my own thoughts.  

BUT, like working out-- the most important thing is that you show up and stay consistent. And that's where I'm at today.   I may be out of breath, but I'm here.  :)

Kittens and 'darlings' and all that crap...

I had a thought a few minutes ago and though I'm much too tired to be writing at this moment, I just had to get it out...  It kind of ties into my other blog entry entitled 'A Humorous Realization' in which I explained that in an attempt to find my 'voice' in the non-fiction piece I was writing, I ended sounding like a 50- year man.  Why?  Because all the good non-fiction literature I've read is written by authors in this category.  What I failed to realize is that I also have a strong negative connotation with a female voice in writing.  Why? Because every piece I've read that has a strong female voice ends up talking about feelings and small furry animals and refers to the reader as 'darling.'  (I'm thinking of one writer in particular, who shall not be named...)

HOWEVER, some of the best writers I've ever read have been women... So, what I've been grappling with is, how can I be a woman and a good writer without making people want to vomit by writing overly sentimental pieces?

I think the answer for me is for me to write what I know and write it well.  If it comes out flowery, then it comes out flowery.  But honestly, I think it will come out just as I desire it to be, because it is from the strength of real life experience, told through the lens of reality.  I think everyone can appreciate that, no matter their age or gender.

Off to Starbucks tomorrow to write my heart out...And most likely scrap most of it before the day is out.

Goodnight.
    

Crossroads!

I'm just not sure where to go from here.  I'm really excited to dive deeply into my writing.  Steve and I are housesitting for the next three weeks and I'm very excited to use the peace and quiet and space to spread out my books and my thoughts.

I think I'm realizing that I'm afraid to go back to my manuscript.  I think, even though I know that it is fraught with disaster, there is a piece of me that likes it tucked in that neat corner in my mind as 'first draft: done.'  Pulling it apart sounds so messy and disastrous!

I predict a bit of moodiness and a load of frustration, mixed with unusual introversion and a splash of depression.  Such is the creator's process!  And honestly, I'm looking forward to it!

(Steve- don't say I didn't warn you. :)

Donald Miller.

I'm nestled on my couch next to my husband right now, both of us furiously typing our computers.  (Sometimes, I feel most close to him when we don't talk at all, but are writing on our Macs beside one another.)  My new issue of Writer's Digest arrived today, perfectly sealed and ready to be devoured.  I'm reading an interview with Donald Miller, the author of Blue Like Jazz and several other edgy Christian books.  I can never figure out if I like his writing when I read his books, but most of the time, I just appreciate him.  His voice is fresh and his thoughts off-beat.

Here's an excerpt from the interview:

(Interviewer's Question:  In A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, you talk about good stories-writing, editing and living them.  You say most writers don't live good stories because they're too busy writing, and most people living good stories don't have time to write.  What's you advice for those of us who want to live and write good stories?)

Donald Miller:   I'm amazed at how much my writing is improved when I step away from the computer, even in small amounts.  If I'm stuck, I vacuum the living room or walk the dog.  I'm amazed at what comes out of that.  Like right now, I'm in the airport, heading dow to San Diego to help a friend on his book... but I know that this process will {also} open something up in the book I'm working on.  I don't know what it is yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I LOVE this idea!  I have found it so true in my life.  I remember thinking last time I went to Europe that I wanted to write a lot while I was there.  The truth was, I was too busy taking it all in to sit down and process it.  And honestly, I haven't written a lot about my grand experiences there.  So much of my writing flows out of the mundane.  Very seldom do I experience something great and write directly about it.  Instead, I float down the river of life, keeping my eye out for a small ripple in the water or a spinning leaf to catch me eye-- and I write about it.  

Inspiration anyone?

I feel as though I need some inspiration on life, writing or anything really...Anyone have any quotes or life wisdom to share today?  I'm running a bit dry.

Quote of the Day.

I'm finding inspiration for my editing today in this quote by James Michener:

“I'm not a very good writer, but I'm an excellent rewriter."

Adaptation.

I'm learning a lot right now about catering to a demographic in my writing.  In the past, I've always written what I would like to read.  There's nothing wrong with that-- as long as you don't let anyone else read your writing. :)  There is a wide variety of people with vastly different interests and tastes in this world.  A good writer can accommodate for each of these tastes.  I may hate reading Better Homes and Gardens magazine, but there is a huge readership out there who love it.  And so, if I am to become successful as a writer, I must take universal themes that move the human spirit and engrain them in whatever style of writing I decide to take on.

I guess this is true in any creative field.  Like, for instance, if you are an interior designer, I'm sure it would be easy to want to make every house you enter the style that you would prefer.  Yet your job is to find out the clients tastes and make a beautiful space in which they can live, according to their tastes.  Don't get me wrong, any creative pursuit will leave your unique flavor.  It just will be slightly adjusted to the owner or the reader, whatever the case may be...  

This week I'm writing an essay for contest for Real Simple Magazine.  The prompt is: "When did you first understand the meaning of love?"  Let's be honest: this is not my kind of writing.  However, I had a strong desire to enter, so I went for it.  I sat down at my computer with zero ideas in my brain.  I stared at the screen for a while.  Then I went to the Real Simple website and looked at the essay written by last year's winner.  Then I came back to my blank screen and just started typing.  Now I have a rough draft, written in a similar tone to their winner, yet still unique to me.  I'm kind of excited about it, to be honest!

The Downpour and the Machete.

"When it rains, it pours."

It's a cliché for a reason.  I feel as though these past few weeks have been a drought for my writing and suddenly I'm overwhelmed with ideas!  I'm not complaining; trust me.  My creative wheels are spinning on many fronts, but are mainly focused on my YA novel.  I recently met with my writing mentor, who is looking over my manuscript.  After many weeks of emotionally distancing myself from my work, we had an honest conversation about its strengths and weaknesses.  My conclusion?  The strengths of my book are far outnumbered by its weaknesses. Shoot. 

  

                  I still believe in it. 

                                    

                                  I even like it.  

Yet, as an aspiring author, I'm starting to take myself seriously enough to realize I need to be marketable if I ever hope to get an agent. I find that I often favor poetry and beauty in writing more than plot.  This is PROBLEM.  The truth is, 90% of America is looking for the 'grab,' a thrill, an adventure or a mystery.  I don't believe this means I need to cheapen my writing in any way.  I think it means I have to work ten times harder if I'm going to make a beautiful story with a driving plotline.  People sometimes ask me if my stories are more plot-driven or character- driven.  While I tend to lean more towards character- driven stories, the truth is, I'm going to need both.  

Part of me wants to start over.  I don't mean that in a 'I want to give up on my story' kind of a way.  Rather I feel as though I've learned a lot by making mistakes in my first draft.  Part of me wonders if I could do better by starting over.  I don't really care how it comes about; I just want it to be successful.  Next week, I am going to start the journey of revision.  To be honest, I thought I was going to use a butter knife to pick my MS apart.  Now, I'm thinking it's going to take a machete. 

 

Lyrics.

When I get 'stuck' creatively, I know it's time for some new music.  Music fills my heart with a sense of the universal creative within us all.  It's an anthem to humanity--a way of connecting souls.  Well, depending on what you listen to...  It can also be like listening to Rice Krispies jingle if you are in the habit of listening to the radio. 

For a couple years now, I have felt like I've been off my game when it comes to keeping up with artists and music.  When people ask about my musical tastes, I find myself suddenly frozen, as though I don't have tastes.  

Lyrics are very important to me.  I say, if you can guess what word is next in the song during your first listen, you probably need to broaden your tastes.  (This is why I struggle with much of the Christian music scene at times.)

I love when artists subvert expectations or play on expected rhyme...I love the song 'Wait out the Day' by Rocky Votolato, where he sings:

When the memory is a blank page/

And the teeth in your mouth are all cliches

Not only is he playing on the chiche of it all, but he also subverts your expectation that he is going to say your teeth are 'decayed.'

I love to see Christian writers creating beautiful art, that goes outside the cookie cutter.  God is the great creator, the ultimate author of humanity.  Why would music about him conform to trite convention?  I'm really loving the Christian band Kye Kye...

This is from their song 'Knowing This'

perfect father
you have revealed my heart’s cover  (Eph.4:18)(Eze.36:26-27)
under such radiant lights 
perfect lover
you have pierced my fear asunder (1Jo.4:18)
sealed flawless (Eph.1:13)

Dearest you’ve painted me,
what was I waiting for?
the colors are all I see
it was all there before     
this light is all I see
you never lost me, love 
(Ro.6:6)(Eph.2:10)

Fall, how it fell from me
scathed oh so permanently
sunk, how it sank from me
deep, where it once tried taking me (Ro.6:3-9)
words, they were words just to be breath
but now they sing for you (Ro.6:10-14)

I also really enjoy songwriters who take a poetic approach to writing.  For instance, I recently discovered the Bowerbirds.  I really enjoy their lyrics, because they read like a poem.  This song's called Ghost Life.

At the margins of the land, I get to know your skin
Where the sand dunes slope into a wild ocean
Where a great plain heaps into a jagged mountain
Oh, I feel your heart swell with the ghost life here, so magnificent

And yet some days we are stoned, cold and stuck
Whether in time or place or head or heart
But dear, we'll never feel the years with the wind at our backs
And we can live our days in a ghost life here, so magnificent

And yet some days we are stones cold and stuck
Whether in time or place or head or heart
But dear, we'll never feel the years with the wind at our backs
And we can live our days in a ghost life here, so magnificent

Oh, blood, ocean blood
Salty blood
Flows like torrents through our hearts
And knows just what it wants

Love, shapeless love
Wild, tireless love
Fast in the free ether
Ghostly white and seething hot

Sky, ocean sigh
Dark mirror shine
Swift to the backs of our eyes
Deep, wanting eyes

I encourage you, if you don't already, to listen to the lyrics of your favorite songs and dissect them.  This sounds as though it takes the fun out of the music, but in fact, I believe you will find that it makes your love of those songs deeper and your enjoyment more profound.  

Markers. PT II.

Good morning.  I looked at my inbox this morning and found a comment on my latest post 'Markers,' which was exciting in and of itself!  Though anonymous, I do believe he/ she made their point.  Markers exist in the adult life-- just not with the same consistency and boldness as they do when you are a kid, waiting to jump from second to third grade (where you get to play on the big playground.)

Today is my birthday.  I discounted birthdays when I was writing 'markers' because as you get older, let's face it, they are just not the same.  There seems to be this understanding among adults that birthdays past a certain age are not a big deal and are to be underplayed.  It's almost 'childish' to be excited about them.  I think I felt like that when I hit the big '2-0.'  I felt like I needed to stop having parties and just accept a quiet dinner.  After all, that's what adults do, right?

I must say, my mother is an exception to this rule.  I think even on her 90th birthday, she will still get giddy at the thought of unwrapping birthday presents and blowing out candles on a cake with her name on it.  I like that.  I like that idea that life is to be celebrated and marked.  Granted, there is a certain amount of difference in the way you celebrate as you age.  If I were still playing water balloon toss to celebrate my birthday, it would be a strange thing indeed.  And yet, that spirit of celebrating those fewer markers in life is important, perhaps even necessary.

In light of this thought, I'm going to go and get a yummy pastry at Panera.  (I already had a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast!  Zone diet doesn't apply on birthdays, right?)

Markers.

Time is a curious thing.  I remember always wanting to be older at one point in my life.  (I do believe we all felt this way, especially when it came to rides at Disneyland...)   People always told me that someday time would go too fast and I should appreciate being the age I am.  I found this very annoying.  Just because someday I would want time to slow down, did NOT help me appreciate the present.  If anything, it made me dread the future.  And here I am, the day before I am about to turn 27 (something unimaginable several years ago) and I suddenly life is just passing before me...

I think the reason why this happens is because of markers.  Markers in life keep life measurable.  Let's take school years, for instance.  Each year in school, you progress one grade.  And so, each year you take considerable note of which year you are in and what grade you will being headed towards.  Then suddenly, you graduate from college and life becomes continuous.  You lose markers.  You are running and running and suddenly you look up and wonder where this strange land is where you have found yourself.  It's a bit uncomfortable.

For me, writing is a marker.  I journal almost daily as a way to keep my life in check.  It helps me to see where I am- to put my thoughts in a tangible form- to stay rooted.  It also gives me a place to look back and see where I've come from.  Even my handwriting tells me a lot about where I was at that time in my life...

All of this to say, I'm feeling a bit old.

Leak.

The other day, a friend commented on the running theme in this new blog of mine which sounds something like this: "Writing sucks.  I'm so frustrated."  While this is probably true of my general mood over the past two weeks, it is not my true feeling.  If you are a writer (or a creative of any kind), you completely understand the love-hate relationship that is innate within any creative endeavor.  And that is when it finds you... It bubbles over your brim, explodes onto the screen and wiggles through your pen in such a way that the magic happens.  Suddenly, you find yourself looking down at your creation, wondering how long those words have been traveling along with you, waiting to leak onto the page.

Showerhead.

It is curious when inspiration will strike.  I love this quote:

"I even shower with my pen, in case any ideas drip out of the waterhead." ~Graycie Harmon


Today I was literally in the shower when I had an idea for the piece I'm working on and i had to rush out and write it down! :)

A humorous realization.

Once again, I'm struggling to find my 'voice' in this new piece of non-fiction I'm writing on the topic of humility.  I agreed with the suggestion I was given to just let my own natural voice flow into the piece, despite the genre.  The thing is, I'm really finding this difficult.

I came to a rather humorous realization yesterday-- I'm trying to sound like a man!  Not only a man- a 50's, white male pastor.  I'm laughing right now as I write this.  The reason being that every valid piece of Christian non-fiction I've ever read have all been written by-- you guessed it!---50-year old white male pastors such as John Ortberg, Maxwell, etc.  Believe it or not, I do not fall into this category.

Part of me feels silly for trying to write such a profound piece of text as a young woman.  Part of me wonders if the publishing community would even take me seriously- when and if I get to a place that I can submit this piece.  This is why I have decided to write under the pen name Donald White and my picture will look like this:

Perhaps I will then, be taken seriously. :)

Progress.

As a writer, I have to measure success differently than most fields.  The truth is, writing never feels 'done.'  My writing seems to be an ever-changing expression of creativity.  Perhaps it feels different once your work is published, for it is shown to the world as a finished product.  I doubt it.  The writer's soul is hard on itself and is never finished-- never satisfied.

Perhaps this isn't entirely true of all forms of writing.  Perhaps if your avenue of writing is more concrete, such as newspaper reporting or movie reviewing, you might feel as though your work has a definite thesis- a point to accomplish.  I, on the other hand, rarely know where I'm going with my writing, until I get there.  Sometimes, I wander like a child through the woods, wondering where I will find myself in the end.

Guilt.

Writing is a difficult thing to control.  If you're a writer, I'm guessing you've had this experience.  You get an idea and run with it, only to find yourself smashing your nose into a brick wall.  Sometimes, projects go smoothly until completion and follow a schedule, but it's rare.  VERY RARE.   Sometimes being a writer makes you feel flaky-- like you can't finish anything. I'm curious if I'm alone in this feeling.

Venture.

As a take a respite from my usual fiction genre of writing, I am trying to stretch my limits into the world of non-fiction.  It feels a bit like writing a paper for a class in college.  I don't particularly like so far, but I do find it challenging, which is something I always appreciate.  Well, almost always...  I am looking to write a piece on humility at the moment.  One of my favorite books in the universe is Andrew Murray's 'Humility.' It's approximately a quarter-inch thick, but is full of intriguing and life-changing insights.  I definitely recommend it.  If anyone else has recommendations to read on this topic, please feel free to share.   However, that brings me to another dilemma.  I am a chameleon.  When I'm reading C.S. Lewis, I write like C.S. Lewis; when I am reading L'Engle, I sound like L'Engle.  It's not that it's a bad thing to sound like those writers.  I mean, let's face it: they are amazing!  But the problem I'm finding is that this new piece I'm writing does not yet have a tone or a voice of it's own.  So, before reading any further, I would like to write a bit more and try to gain my own tone and direction for it. I don't know if that makes sense.  I feel lost in a sea of my own thoughts...

Anyone else?

Does anyone else think it strange how some days, the creative flows like blood through your veins and other days, it's like every bit of the creative has evaporated?

Ug. Today is a desert day.

Stuck.

I feel really stuck right now in my writing.  I wouldn't call it writer's block, per se.  I would call it frustrating.  I finished a rough draft of my first teen novel.  It's far from smooth as this point and yet I believe it has potential.  I really want to keep up my daily writing routine (Starbucks- Earl Grey tea, my mac and a pair of headphones,) but I'm not sure what I'd write.  I have a couple of 'maybe' projects on the back burner, but I'm not sure about them.  I'm having a friend review my novel right now, hoping to get some insight.  When I get my manuscript back, I suppose I will keep going on my revision process, but I feel like I'm losing steam. 

Ugg....The writer's life... I'm off to one of my 'maybe' projects now.